Equestrian mourning

 I have loved in fits and starts, without target
Caught by the flanks of a furious need to believe
Poked, pleading with righteousness for the false roads
I have loved as a crusade to so silky tips of myself
Thrilling, lifeless rising, almost
Fawning the dark passivities and the leaks
I thought it was poignant, the space
The place to grip with a closed mouth
The place where to leave the amniotic clarity
dawning under the shadow of the cross

I have loved concise, astounding
Unfolding one by one the layers of the sharp to-me
Stoned to the systole by the cost I paid, brought to my ruin
The thousand and one grotesque vibrations of faith
I have religiously loved the sweat, the urine, the miasma
The fruits of the unspeakable other
The mystery of my wide open body
Attentive to the impact of its own weight
I have loved thinking of probing the islands, the coral
The molluscs left there by the smear of eras
Touching the edges of the songs and their echo
Laughing at the derisory haletance

It is a somnolence I lacerate, a sulphurous wound
Widespread on the optical nerve of my soul

Impregnated sanies under the shrug of my incredulous shoulder
The doubt stirring the validity of the gift
A grin to the bravery

The unremitting fear
Impassable bounds of the understanding 

 Infatuated deception
Devoted militancy

Wanted so much the advent
The quest for truth under the saliva
 So much toiled
Obstinate, at the breath, palms offered
Closed eyes, the moistness of a sternal beam

January 2015